every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
