Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
