i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep