There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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