Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.