Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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