Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records