btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...