You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex