Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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