I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize