there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
