What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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