your room smells of hookers.
And success
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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