Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
