I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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