do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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