nut hugger
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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