Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
