Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
