I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
two words: eviction party
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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