i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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