butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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