I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize