tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
