I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
