I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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