The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
