Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
