guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
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