dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
