just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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