my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
