i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Enjoy the penises
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