if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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