Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i out mim tonsoeep
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
