DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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