please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
