if i can run in heels then i can drive
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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