thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Come see our sink grown plant.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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