I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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