do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
