You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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