She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
