If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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