He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
