There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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