I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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