I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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