So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
