i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
