if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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