dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
