2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
