He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
