How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
