I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
