I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
