booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
