A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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