apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
