the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
