I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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