Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
