would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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