dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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