does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
