Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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