wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
FUCK WHALES
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