i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
