I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
