his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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