i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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