Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
