It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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