Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
