we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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