I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
