You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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