how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
