I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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