i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
