apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
