I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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