Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
