Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
