I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
