I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
