Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
