New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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