I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
