I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
