i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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