Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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