Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
