im six kinds of drunk right now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
