next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
